"We now beseech the Lord and Lady to bless us on this night," Nick says at my shoulder very suddenly, very loudly, making me jump. I'm Candle-boy, providing the flickering light by which he reads his scrawled makeshift incantation as we stand out in a deserted field staring at the moon. He starts walking around with a ritual blade, performing some silent benediction over the girls who represent both north, south, east and west and the four elements. It was like a scene from The Craft,
only afterwards no-one walked on water.
Yes, on Sunday night I witnessed the full lunar eclipse, which turned the moon a blood red over Victorian skies. To celebrate, Nick, Liz, Aly, Jody, Claire and I all went up to Nick's farm to perform a mystical rite. Well, I didn't, but I'm so used to the idiosyncracies of others now that I didn't bat an eyelid when I was informed of the planned activities. In my opinion, the spell went on far too long. Holding a candle for forty-five minutes on a cold wintry night in the middle of the country is hardly my idea of fun, although the spectacular views of the moon were definitely worth the effort.
What I enjoyed most though was the element of escape that permeated the detour for me. Firstly, I was going with people who I either didn't know and therefore could just be comfortably social with or were such old friends that any issues I might have had were long since forgotten. Secondly, it was a brief pause from the torturous (and tiring) cycle of work, seeing people socially, and getting depressed about both.
I've largely reconciled myself to the fact that whatever new experience I hurl myself into, I'm not going to feel comfortable, relaxed or content. I am going to be tense, confused over what I want and likely to hurt others while I thrash about like an uncontrolled waterhose. Going to Nick's farm contributed nothing to the personal narrative which is coalescing around me despite my best efforts to the contrary, and as such I jealously enjoyed ever moment.
I need more time like this. More time seeing old friends. More time blogging. More time waiting for my emotional maturity to catch up to my intelligence (news flash: never approach emotional disputes using logic). Ah well, at least I can console myself with better-than-expected mid-year uni results.