Get those pens ready, because The Society for Future Husbands of Britney Spears
is accepting your marriage proposals. It's just a bit of diverting fun, but it highlights something I've wondered: Why do people fall in love with Britney?
"What?" I hear you say, "surely you do not dare deny your love of Britney?" Well, I do! Sure, I think some of her songs are fabulous and generally she's pretty cool (and she likes Eminem! Weird...), but I don't feel any sort of emotion towards her as a distinct person. I think this is because, unlike the seeming stance taken by the adolescents on the page above or the randy old men offering discreet sums to Jive in order to relieve the poor girl of her virginity, when I listen to Britney's songs I identify with her character, not the guy she's singing to.
And who actually does identify with the addressed in songs anyway? As far as I'm concerned, Britney shouldn't appeal to dirty old men except for her looks; "Baby, One More Time" and "Born To Make You Happy" are songs designed to appeal to the masochists, not the sadists. If I listened to the latter from the perspective of Britney's lost love, it wouldn't bring tears to my eyes, but instead turn me cold, aloof and slightly fearful for my life. But I'm obviously wrong, as the need for guys young-and-old to adjust their pants obsessively while listening to Britney is apparently part of her appeal.