Yeah, so I wasn't planning on blogging until after party, but you know, things come up. Big things, that leave you mentally gasping and thinking, "Only a couple of weeks ago, I was waiting for life to start; now all I want it to do is slow down." But life ain't easy, as Cleopatra-comin'-atcha made so perfectly clear.
So, right now I'm convinced that I'm a horrible, nasty person. I honestly don't mean to be. I think maybe because for a long time I was slightly insecure about my worth in other people's eyes, I underestimate just how much I can hurt people. It happens all the time, but today it was only with the best intentions. Have I lost a friend? A whole host of potential friends? Tonight will tell, I suppose. I guess I could go into details here, but it is my life we're talking about, and despite my need to come on here and vent, it wouldn't be fair to those involved. It suffices to say that I've discovered my big problem: behind my cynicism, I'm far too idealistic. I want "Born To Make You Happy", godammit! Today I was offered the choice of settling for something slightly less, and my whole nature cried out against even the concept of it. So is this the way it's going to be for the rest of my life?